Words Matter: Why We Shouldn't Say Children "Witness" Domestic Violence

Last month, I announced that I’m the new Director of Marketing & Communications at the Childhood Domestic Violence Association and I want to share my experiences growing up with Childhood Domestic Violence (CDV). Every month, I plan to share a little bit about my journey and how CDV has impacted my life.

This month, here’s what I want to talk about:

The words we use to describe traumatic situations matter.

While working for CDVA, I’ve learned that most people have never heard the term “childhood domestic violence.” Instead, many researchers refer to children who grow up with domestic violence as “witnesses to intimate partner violence” or “witnesses to domestic violence.”

I have an issue with the word “witness.” It feels passive; it feels bystander-y. It doesn’t accurately describe how a child truly experiences and is impacted by domestic violence when they see it occur.

so How are children impacted by domestic violence?

Last month (October) was Domestic Violence Awareness Month, so we published a post about how children are impacted by CDV. According to one study, about HALF of children who grow up with CDV experience trauma symptoms including:

  • Anxiety and fear

  • Difficulty regulating emotions

  • Heart pounding

  • Loss of bowl or bladder control

When you think about the fact that about one in seven children grows up with CDV, this means that about one in fourteen children is growing up with trauma symptoms due to “witnessing” these harrowing situations.

And these trauma symptoms don’t always end in childhood.

Personally, I still struggle with three of the four symptoms listed above, even though I no longer live in an unsafe, violent environment. I’m being treated for PTSD with several different medications; I go to therapy weekly and am about to increase this frequency; and for a while, I had to enter an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) to help me learn to manage intense symptoms like flashbacks, panic attacks, and full-on fear.

Here’s my point: It’s important that we avoid minimizing someone’s trauma by saying they simply “witness” domestic violence. I didn’t just witness one parent being violent toward another; I truly experienced it as trauma which has impacted my psychological, physical, and behavioral health.

Did you grow up with Childhood Domestic Violence?

I’d love to talk and listen to your story if you’d like to share! Please email me at hello@nonprofitjenni.com and we can set up a time to connect.